


Versatile

by Nope



Category: Torchwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-07
Updated: 2006-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:48:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25766956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nope/pseuds/Nope
Summary: There's only one way to save the universe.





	Versatile

"Right," said Gwen. "There's only one thing we can do to save the universe now. Someone's going to have to shag it."

"Right," said Jack.

Everybody stared.

"What?"

They stared some more.

"Oh, HELL no," said Jack.

"Come on," said Gwen. "You're perfect for it. You're always going on about necessary sacrifices and laying ourselves down for queen and country and all that rubbish."

"I didn't mean that sort of lay," said Jack. "I have standards, you know."

"But you're so good at it," Gwen said.

Everyone looked at her.

"Allegedly," she quickly added.

"What about Tosh?" Jack asked. "She found the thing."

"Lesbian," said Tosh.

"Since when?!" Owen asked.

"Since forever."

They stared at her.

"A few years."

They stared some more.

"Okay, Sunday," Tosh said.

"...it IS Sunday," Owen said.

"Lesbian!" insisted Tosh. "Want me to snog Gwen to prove it?"

"Yes," said Owen, "let me get my camera."

"I have one in the laptop," said Tosh.

"She'll kiss anything," Jack said. "I've seen the tapes."

"So have we," said Owen. "You're a fine one to talk. No, seriously, you're a fine one. Get in there, mate. Get your shag on!"

"Ianto," said Jack. "Shag the alien. That's an order."

"I can only get it up for cybersex," said Ianto, easily.

"Where's your sense of adventure, Jack?" asked Gwen.

"In my pants!" Jack yelled. "Where it's staying!"

"It's going critical!" said Tosh urgently from behind her computer. "Someone fuck it now or we're all fucked!"

They all looked at Jack.

"It's not going to happen," he said. "No. Absolutely, totally, one hundred and ten percent no."

"Awwww, Jack," said Gwen, pouting and giving him the puppy look with her big brown eyes.

"NO!" yelled Jack.

So they used Owen instead.


End file.
